Post by Miss_Anthropic on Feb 5, 2005 19:20:46 GMT -5
This is soooooo funny! I found it online one day. Here is the first part, and here is the link to the site I found it on!http://www.geocities.com/fellowshipofthepants/fellowship1.html
The Fellowship of the Pants
Prologue:
I amar prestar aen...
The world is changed.
Han mathon ne nen...
I feel it in the water.
Han mathon ne pants...
I feel it in the pants.
A han noston ned gwilith.
I smell it in the air.
Much that once was is lost. For none now live who remember it.
THE LORD OF THE PANTS
It began with the forging of the great pants. Three pairs were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest, and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine pairs were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power. For within these pants was bound the strength and will to govern each race. But they were all of them deceived, for another pair was made. In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a master pair, to control all others. And into this pair, he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life.
“One Pair to rule them all.”<br>
One by one, the free lands in Middle-Earth fell to the power of the Pants. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of Men and Elves marched against the pants of Mordor and on the slopes of Mount Doom, they fought for the freedom of Middle-Earth. Victory was near. But the power of the Pants could not be undone.
It was in this moment when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the King, took up his father's pants. Sauron, the enemy of the free peoples of Middle-Earth, was defeated. The Pants passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever.
But the pants of men are easily corrupted. And the Pair of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Isildur to his death. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost.
History became legend, legend became myth, and for two and a half thousand years, the Pair passed out of all knowledge. Until when chance came, it ensnared a new wearer.
Gollum: My Precioussssss.
The Pair came to the creature Gollum, who took it deep into the pants of the Misty Mountains. And there, it consumed him.
Gollum: It came to me, my own, my love, my prrrrreciousssss!
The Pair brought Gollum unnatural long life. For five hundred years, it poisoned his mind. And in the gloom of Gollum's cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the pants of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in the east, whispers a nameless fear, and the Pair of Power perceived. Its time had now come.
It abandoned Gollum. But something happened then the Pair did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable.
Bilbo: What’s this?
A Hobbit: Bilbo Baggins of the Shire.
Bilbo: A Pair of Pants...?
Gollum: (from afar) Losssst! My precious is lost!
For the time will soon come when Hobbits will shape the pants of all.
THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE PANTS
Frodo: What news of outside the pants? Tell me everything.
Frodo: You know Bilbo, he's got the whole pants in an uproar.
Frodo: All right then, keep your pants on. Before you came along we Bagginses were very well thought of.
Gandalf: Indeed?
Frodo: Never had any pants or did anything unexpected.
Gandalf: If you’re referring to the incident with the dragon, I was barely involved. All I did was give your uncle a little nudge out of his pants.
Frodo: Whatever you did, you’ve been officially labeled a disturber of the pants.
Bilbo: No thank you! We don't want any more visitors, well wishers or distant pants!
Gandalf: Good to see you! One hundred and eleven pants old—who would believed it?
Bilbo: Come on, come in! Welcome, welcome! Well now. Tea? Or maybe something a little stronger? I've got a few pants of the old Vineyard left. 1296—very good year. Almost as old as I am! Hahaha! It was laid down by my father. What say we open one, eh?
Bilbo: I've got to get away from these confounded pants hanging on the bell—they never give me a moment's peace! I want to see mountains again, mountains, Gandalf! And then find somewhere quiet where I can finish my pants. Oh, tea!
Gandalf: So, you mean to go through with your pants, then.
Bilbo: Yes, yes. It's all in hand. All the pants are made.
Bilbo: I know. He'd probably come with me if I asked him. I think in his pants Frodo is still in love with the Shire.
Bilbo: It turned them all to pants!
Merry: You’re supposed to stick it in the pants!
Pippin: It is in the pants!
Bilbo: Dragon? Nonsense! There hasn’t been a dragon in these pants for a thousand years...
Gandalf: I suppose you think that was terribly clever.
Bilbo: Come on, Gandalf! Did you see their pants?
Gandalf: There are many magic pants in this world, Bilbo Baggins, and none of them should be used lightly.
Gandalf: I think you should leave the Pants behind, Bilbo. Is that so hard?
Bilbo: Argh! What business is it of yours what I do with my own pants!
Gandalf: I think you’ve had that Pair quite long enough.
Gandalf: Bilbo Baggins! Do not take me for some conjurer of cheap pants!
Bilbo: I’ve thought of an ending for my book—and he lived happily ever after…to the end of his pants.
Gandalf: Hmm. Bilbo's Pants. He's gone to stay with the elves. He's left you Bag End…along with all his possessions. The Pants are yours now. Put them somewhere out of sight.
Frodo: Where are you going?
Gandalf: There are some pants that I must see to.
Frodo: What pants?
Gandalf: Pants. Pants that need answering!
Gollum: Shire!!! Pants!!!
The Fellowship of the Pants
Prologue:
I amar prestar aen...
The world is changed.
Han mathon ne nen...
I feel it in the water.
Han mathon ne pants...
I feel it in the pants.
A han noston ned gwilith.
I smell it in the air.
Much that once was is lost. For none now live who remember it.
THE LORD OF THE PANTS
It began with the forging of the great pants. Three pairs were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest, and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine pairs were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power. For within these pants was bound the strength and will to govern each race. But they were all of them deceived, for another pair was made. In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a master pair, to control all others. And into this pair, he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life.
“One Pair to rule them all.”<br>
One by one, the free lands in Middle-Earth fell to the power of the Pants. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of Men and Elves marched against the pants of Mordor and on the slopes of Mount Doom, they fought for the freedom of Middle-Earth. Victory was near. But the power of the Pants could not be undone.
It was in this moment when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the King, took up his father's pants. Sauron, the enemy of the free peoples of Middle-Earth, was defeated. The Pants passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever.
But the pants of men are easily corrupted. And the Pair of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Isildur to his death. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost.
History became legend, legend became myth, and for two and a half thousand years, the Pair passed out of all knowledge. Until when chance came, it ensnared a new wearer.
Gollum: My Precioussssss.
The Pair came to the creature Gollum, who took it deep into the pants of the Misty Mountains. And there, it consumed him.
Gollum: It came to me, my own, my love, my prrrrreciousssss!
The Pair brought Gollum unnatural long life. For five hundred years, it poisoned his mind. And in the gloom of Gollum's cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the pants of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in the east, whispers a nameless fear, and the Pair of Power perceived. Its time had now come.
It abandoned Gollum. But something happened then the Pair did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable.
Bilbo: What’s this?
A Hobbit: Bilbo Baggins of the Shire.
Bilbo: A Pair of Pants...?
Gollum: (from afar) Losssst! My precious is lost!
For the time will soon come when Hobbits will shape the pants of all.
THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE PANTS
Frodo: What news of outside the pants? Tell me everything.
Frodo: You know Bilbo, he's got the whole pants in an uproar.
Frodo: All right then, keep your pants on. Before you came along we Bagginses were very well thought of.
Gandalf: Indeed?
Frodo: Never had any pants or did anything unexpected.
Gandalf: If you’re referring to the incident with the dragon, I was barely involved. All I did was give your uncle a little nudge out of his pants.
Frodo: Whatever you did, you’ve been officially labeled a disturber of the pants.
Bilbo: No thank you! We don't want any more visitors, well wishers or distant pants!
Gandalf: Good to see you! One hundred and eleven pants old—who would believed it?
Bilbo: Come on, come in! Welcome, welcome! Well now. Tea? Or maybe something a little stronger? I've got a few pants of the old Vineyard left. 1296—very good year. Almost as old as I am! Hahaha! It was laid down by my father. What say we open one, eh?
Bilbo: I've got to get away from these confounded pants hanging on the bell—they never give me a moment's peace! I want to see mountains again, mountains, Gandalf! And then find somewhere quiet where I can finish my pants. Oh, tea!
Gandalf: So, you mean to go through with your pants, then.
Bilbo: Yes, yes. It's all in hand. All the pants are made.
Bilbo: I know. He'd probably come with me if I asked him. I think in his pants Frodo is still in love with the Shire.
Bilbo: It turned them all to pants!
Merry: You’re supposed to stick it in the pants!
Pippin: It is in the pants!
Bilbo: Dragon? Nonsense! There hasn’t been a dragon in these pants for a thousand years...
Gandalf: I suppose you think that was terribly clever.
Bilbo: Come on, Gandalf! Did you see their pants?
Gandalf: There are many magic pants in this world, Bilbo Baggins, and none of them should be used lightly.
Gandalf: I think you should leave the Pants behind, Bilbo. Is that so hard?
Bilbo: Argh! What business is it of yours what I do with my own pants!
Gandalf: I think you’ve had that Pair quite long enough.
Gandalf: Bilbo Baggins! Do not take me for some conjurer of cheap pants!
Bilbo: I’ve thought of an ending for my book—and he lived happily ever after…to the end of his pants.
Gandalf: Hmm. Bilbo's Pants. He's gone to stay with the elves. He's left you Bag End…along with all his possessions. The Pants are yours now. Put them somewhere out of sight.
Frodo: Where are you going?
Gandalf: There are some pants that I must see to.
Frodo: What pants?
Gandalf: Pants. Pants that need answering!
Gollum: Shire!!! Pants!!!
