Post by Aragorn714 on Apr 3, 2005 12:18:14 GMT -5
Ok not many people know this, but I have a sort of facination about Purple Jokes, you know... the one about purple butterflies? or Purple Monkey? or how about the purple yo-yo? Those types of jokes are my favorite. So I decided to start off this thread with the Purple Monkey Joke... If anyone has any others they might want to share feel free to post them...
Stumbling through the woods, a man wearing a dark rain coat over a sharp business suit attempted to find shelter from the rain. As he was trudging through the woods he sights a log cabin off to his right in the middle of a clearing. Just as he stepped out of the woods the sky opened up and the rain poured down. He ran to the door and began pounding on it in the hopes someone would be home.
Luckily for him the door opened a crack and a single eye peered out at him.
“What do you want” called a voice from inside.
“Listen it’s raining out here and all I want is a place to sleep out of the rain… could I stay here for tonight?”<br> “I guess I could let you do that” calls the voice… just hold on a minute…<br> The door shut and the soggy business man heard some scratching noises from the other side of the door. Then they just stopped. He waited another minute or two before raising his had to knock again. But just before his knuckles hit the door it swung open and an older man gestured for him to come in.
“I will allow you to stay till tomorrow, or until the rain gets done waterin’ my forest. But I will only let you stay on one condition… do not go down into the basement…” he said pointing at a door with a ring of keys hanging net to it.
“Sure thing, I’m just glad someone was here this time of year” said the business man.” The old man showed his guest into a side room where there was already set up a cot next to an old potbellied stove. The old man told his guest to put his things down and to follow him.
“I’ve got some dinner on the stove out in the kitchen, you just sit down at the table and I’ll bring it out.”
During dinner the thought of what could possibly be down in the basement chewed at the man until he finally couldn’t take it any longer, he looked at his host and said, “I’m really sorry, but because you said I can’t go down in the basement… I’ve got to know what’s down there.”<br> With a twinkle in his eyes the old man slowly stood and said “well I know how curiosity takes you youngsters nowadays, I guess I can show you what it is I have down in the basement…”
The man nearly jumped out of his seat with enthusiasm. The old man walked towards the door, to the basement and took the ring keys off the wall next to the door. He then picked one key out off the ring and inserted it into the door. Scarpe-squeeaaak… With a rusty creak the door opened up and swung inward. There was a flight of steps leading down into the darkness. When both men walked through the door, the old man turned and shut the door locking it behind them.
They both descended into the darkness, thump-creak, thump-creak, thump-creak. The stairs all screamed in protest when a foot touched them or put weight on them. At the bottom of the flight of stairs, was another door, once again the old man took out the ring of keys, took one off the ring and inserted it into the door. Scarpe-squeeaaak… this door opened outward, into the basement…
And there in the middle of the room was a box shaped object covered in a dark purple sheet. When both men were through the door, the old man turned back and shut and locked the door. Then he motioned for his guest to not make a sound and crept over towards the box. Just before he reached the covered box, he motioned for his guest to wait where he was standing and not come any closer.
With an almost reverent touch the old man removed the purple sheet and revealed a steel cage. Inside the cage sat a huge purple monkey. Its fur shone like silk, and its eyes had an unearthly glow. But it sat so still, it was so unmoving that the man suspected it was merely a stuffed animal. The purple monkey didn’t even blink…
Then Just as reverently the old man once again covered the cage and monkey with the dark purple sheet. Then he silently turned and walked back towards the door. Taking out the key ring again he selected a key and took it off the ring and inserted it into the door. Scarpe-squeeaaak… the door opened outwards towards the two men, and they walked through. When both men were through the door, the old man turned and shut and locked the door behind them. Then they both began the journey up the stairs, thump-creak, thump-creak, thump-creak. The stairs once again groaned in protest. But they made it to the top and the old man took out the key ring one last time, took a key off of it and inserted it into the door. Scarpe-squeeaaak… The door opened inwards towards the two men. And once again when they were both through the door, the old man shut the door behind them and locked it. Then he hung the key ring up next to the door on the peg he took it from in the first place.
“That down there, very few people have ever seen, you must never go down there by yourself. Understand?”<br> “Yes sir,” replied the business man.
Then late that night, the patter of rain slowly relented, but the business man, nor the old man in whose house they were staying, noticed. The old man was asleep and snoring loudly. But the business man was laying on the cot wide awake, staring through the doorway at the closed and locked door... wondering why that old man made such a big deal out of what was down there. The monkey probably wasn’t even real.
So determined the man got up as quietly as he could and strode over to the door. Quietly he removed the ring of keys, and selected one, removed it from the ring and inserted it into the door. Scarpe-squeeaaak… the door opened inwards. The man winced and turned to look at the old man. But aside from his normal snoring the man seemed not even to be alive. So the man walked through the door, and shut it behind him. He began to descend the stairs, thump-creak, thump-creak, thump-creak the stairs still screamed in protest. But he knew he had gone to far to turn back now, so he continued on to the bottom of the flight of stairs. When he reached the bottom door, he removed another key from the key ring and inserted it into the door. Scarpe-squeeaaak… The door opened outwards into the basement. He slowly shut the door behind him, and crept over to the covered cage. He carefully removed the purple sheet and revealed the huge purple monkey. The thing hadn’t moved since he had seen it the first time. So he ever so carefully reached in through the bars of the cage to touch the purple monkey. Inching his finger ever closer he lightly brushed the silky purple fur of the huge purple monkey.
The next thing the man knew was lying on his back and the huge purple monkey was going berserk! It notice the man lying in front of its cage and threw itself against the steel bars of its cage. The man jumped up and dashed for the door to the stars, completely scared. As soon as he reached the door he spun around to look at the crazed purple monkey, it had bent the steel bars of its cage apart almost enough to fit through. It was frothing at the mouth and screaming in a loud primal roar. The man dashed through the door slamming it behind him, scree/Crash! He ran up the stairs fast enough that they only had a the chance to think about protesting. When he had almost reached the top of the stairs, the doorway at the bottom exploded inwards, splinters flying around a huge purple mound of fur that tore up the stars after the man.
He panicked, he whipped open the door and dashed through not even thinking about shutting it behind him. As he sprinted out the front door, the huge purple monkey streaked through the door to the basement. The man ran as fast as his panicking legs would carry him way from the cabin in the woods, and out into the muddy night filled forest.
Only a few heartbeats after he entered the woods he could hear the crashing of the huge purple monkey following him through the trees. Looking back over his shoulder he could see foam flying off the huge out of control purple monkey’s mouth. Unfortunately a root chose that moment to trip him up as he was looking over his shoulder. He flew through the air, and collided with a tree. The man happened to land in the mud on his back, so he was able to see his doom tearing through the forest towards him. He flinched and turned his face away as though that could delay the inevitable… nothing happened… The man risked a peek and cracked his eyelids to see the huge purple monkey towering over him. The purple monkey leaned forward, dripping the froth from its mouth on the now muddy business suit. With a wicked gleam in its eye, the monkey thrust a finger towards the man, tapped his forehead, and roared…<br>
“TAG YOUR IT”
Stumbling through the woods, a man wearing a dark rain coat over a sharp business suit attempted to find shelter from the rain. As he was trudging through the woods he sights a log cabin off to his right in the middle of a clearing. Just as he stepped out of the woods the sky opened up and the rain poured down. He ran to the door and began pounding on it in the hopes someone would be home.
Luckily for him the door opened a crack and a single eye peered out at him.
“What do you want” called a voice from inside.
“Listen it’s raining out here and all I want is a place to sleep out of the rain… could I stay here for tonight?”<br> “I guess I could let you do that” calls the voice… just hold on a minute…<br> The door shut and the soggy business man heard some scratching noises from the other side of the door. Then they just stopped. He waited another minute or two before raising his had to knock again. But just before his knuckles hit the door it swung open and an older man gestured for him to come in.
“I will allow you to stay till tomorrow, or until the rain gets done waterin’ my forest. But I will only let you stay on one condition… do not go down into the basement…” he said pointing at a door with a ring of keys hanging net to it.
“Sure thing, I’m just glad someone was here this time of year” said the business man.” The old man showed his guest into a side room where there was already set up a cot next to an old potbellied stove. The old man told his guest to put his things down and to follow him.
“I’ve got some dinner on the stove out in the kitchen, you just sit down at the table and I’ll bring it out.”
During dinner the thought of what could possibly be down in the basement chewed at the man until he finally couldn’t take it any longer, he looked at his host and said, “I’m really sorry, but because you said I can’t go down in the basement… I’ve got to know what’s down there.”<br> With a twinkle in his eyes the old man slowly stood and said “well I know how curiosity takes you youngsters nowadays, I guess I can show you what it is I have down in the basement…”
The man nearly jumped out of his seat with enthusiasm. The old man walked towards the door, to the basement and took the ring keys off the wall next to the door. He then picked one key out off the ring and inserted it into the door. Scarpe-squeeaaak… With a rusty creak the door opened up and swung inward. There was a flight of steps leading down into the darkness. When both men walked through the door, the old man turned and shut the door locking it behind them.
They both descended into the darkness, thump-creak, thump-creak, thump-creak. The stairs all screamed in protest when a foot touched them or put weight on them. At the bottom of the flight of stairs, was another door, once again the old man took out the ring of keys, took one off the ring and inserted it into the door. Scarpe-squeeaaak… this door opened outward, into the basement…
And there in the middle of the room was a box shaped object covered in a dark purple sheet. When both men were through the door, the old man turned back and shut and locked the door. Then he motioned for his guest to not make a sound and crept over towards the box. Just before he reached the covered box, he motioned for his guest to wait where he was standing and not come any closer.
With an almost reverent touch the old man removed the purple sheet and revealed a steel cage. Inside the cage sat a huge purple monkey. Its fur shone like silk, and its eyes had an unearthly glow. But it sat so still, it was so unmoving that the man suspected it was merely a stuffed animal. The purple monkey didn’t even blink…
Then Just as reverently the old man once again covered the cage and monkey with the dark purple sheet. Then he silently turned and walked back towards the door. Taking out the key ring again he selected a key and took it off the ring and inserted it into the door. Scarpe-squeeaaak… the door opened outwards towards the two men, and they walked through. When both men were through the door, the old man turned and shut and locked the door behind them. Then they both began the journey up the stairs, thump-creak, thump-creak, thump-creak. The stairs once again groaned in protest. But they made it to the top and the old man took out the key ring one last time, took a key off of it and inserted it into the door. Scarpe-squeeaaak… The door opened inwards towards the two men. And once again when they were both through the door, the old man shut the door behind them and locked it. Then he hung the key ring up next to the door on the peg he took it from in the first place.
“That down there, very few people have ever seen, you must never go down there by yourself. Understand?”<br> “Yes sir,” replied the business man.
Then late that night, the patter of rain slowly relented, but the business man, nor the old man in whose house they were staying, noticed. The old man was asleep and snoring loudly. But the business man was laying on the cot wide awake, staring through the doorway at the closed and locked door... wondering why that old man made such a big deal out of what was down there. The monkey probably wasn’t even real.
So determined the man got up as quietly as he could and strode over to the door. Quietly he removed the ring of keys, and selected one, removed it from the ring and inserted it into the door. Scarpe-squeeaaak… the door opened inwards. The man winced and turned to look at the old man. But aside from his normal snoring the man seemed not even to be alive. So the man walked through the door, and shut it behind him. He began to descend the stairs, thump-creak, thump-creak, thump-creak the stairs still screamed in protest. But he knew he had gone to far to turn back now, so he continued on to the bottom of the flight of stairs. When he reached the bottom door, he removed another key from the key ring and inserted it into the door. Scarpe-squeeaaak… The door opened outwards into the basement. He slowly shut the door behind him, and crept over to the covered cage. He carefully removed the purple sheet and revealed the huge purple monkey. The thing hadn’t moved since he had seen it the first time. So he ever so carefully reached in through the bars of the cage to touch the purple monkey. Inching his finger ever closer he lightly brushed the silky purple fur of the huge purple monkey.
The next thing the man knew was lying on his back and the huge purple monkey was going berserk! It notice the man lying in front of its cage and threw itself against the steel bars of its cage. The man jumped up and dashed for the door to the stars, completely scared. As soon as he reached the door he spun around to look at the crazed purple monkey, it had bent the steel bars of its cage apart almost enough to fit through. It was frothing at the mouth and screaming in a loud primal roar. The man dashed through the door slamming it behind him, scree/Crash! He ran up the stairs fast enough that they only had a the chance to think about protesting. When he had almost reached the top of the stairs, the doorway at the bottom exploded inwards, splinters flying around a huge purple mound of fur that tore up the stars after the man.
He panicked, he whipped open the door and dashed through not even thinking about shutting it behind him. As he sprinted out the front door, the huge purple monkey streaked through the door to the basement. The man ran as fast as his panicking legs would carry him way from the cabin in the woods, and out into the muddy night filled forest.
Only a few heartbeats after he entered the woods he could hear the crashing of the huge purple monkey following him through the trees. Looking back over his shoulder he could see foam flying off the huge out of control purple monkey’s mouth. Unfortunately a root chose that moment to trip him up as he was looking over his shoulder. He flew through the air, and collided with a tree. The man happened to land in the mud on his back, so he was able to see his doom tearing through the forest towards him. He flinched and turned his face away as though that could delay the inevitable… nothing happened… The man risked a peek and cracked his eyelids to see the huge purple monkey towering over him. The purple monkey leaned forward, dripping the froth from its mouth on the now muddy business suit. With a wicked gleam in its eye, the monkey thrust a finger towards the man, tapped his forehead, and roared…<br>
“TAG YOUR IT”
;D 
