Jokes

[Erutanie]

Smart Teacher

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up,"said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquiredthe teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

[Aranel]

This is cool, except I don't have any jokes . . .

[Erutanie]

i got tons.

My Hitchhiker joke:
this guy was stranded. His name was was Moe. So Moe decided to hitchhike. Afrer a while, a car pulls up. Moe gets in, looks over to thank the driver, but there is no one driving the car. He was about to get out when the car started moving. "there must be a ghost driving this car" thought moe.

When the car came to a corner, Moe got a little worried cause the car showed no signs of deciding to turn. He reached over to turn the car when suddenly, out of nowhere, a hand appeared and smoothly turned the car around the corner. it went on like this for a while, the car would go and when it came to a corner the hand would appear again.

Then the car pulled into a gas station. He immediately went inside and told everyone about this amazing experience he had. Then, two guys walked in, the one said to the other, "Hey Joe, look it's that guy that climbed into the car while we were pushing it."


Here's another one:
How many quarters does it take to play the new LOTR arcade game?


None, it takes tolkiens.

[Iure]

A blonde girl is sick of all the blonde-jokes, so she dyes her hair brown. She steps into her convertible and heads of to the country. After a while, she sees a flock of sheep. A farmer is standing next to the road, so she pulls up and asks: "Are those your sheep?" "Yup." "I've got a question for you. If I can guess how many sheep are in that field, can I take one home?" "Sure." says the farmer. The girl stares at the sheep for a while and then says: "348." "Wow," says the farmer, "that's correct. Go and pick the sheep you like."
So the girl gets out, picks up an animal and puts it in her car. "Well," says the farmer, "I've got a question for you, too. If I can guess your true hair colour, can I get my dog back?"

[StarWarsOnTheBrain]

[glow=silver,9,900]
LOLOLOLOL.

Aragorn and the Blonde Elves.
(I know this one is old, but it is funny)
Aragorn and ten blonde Elves were crossing a chasm by way of a rope. The rope, was, unfortunatly, not Elven rope and was going to break if someone didn't let go. Aragorn, being the heroic and thoughtful king that he is informed the Elves that he would sacrifice himself so that the others could continue on. The Elves were all so toched by this that they started clapping.
[/glow]

[Erutanie]

i've heard that one iure, but LOL still it is good.

I've heard a different variation of that one Marille. It was a bunch of men and a women hanging on to a rope in the one i heard

[StarWarsOnTheBrain]

[glow=silver,9,900]
There's aslo the one about the people in the plane. That was the first version I read.
[/glow]

[Erutanie]

if you haven't yet, read my siggy, there's a cute joke

 l
 l
 l
\/

[Iure]

LOL. It's funny. That's what made me think of the sheep-joke.

[Erutanie]

at first i thought it would be like the same joke, but the end made me realize it was a little different.

[Aragorn714]

Once day there was this purple butterfly, fluttering through a bed of flowers. This was a special purple butterfly; it was the last of its kind. Every other purple butterfly had been eaten by lizards, captured by humans, or died of old age. This single purple butterfly had lived a long and full life. As it fluttered down to a bright yellow flower, it, in some way, knew it was dying. So with its dying flutter of wings, its spirit passed on into the realm of imagination.
The next day in some obscure school, a six year old boy, in art class, had an idea for a project. So he pulled out his purple marker, and some crayons in different shades of purple, and began to draw. Some time later when the teacher was wandering around looking at all the kid’s drawings, she noticed this boy’s paper. In bright purple he had drawn and immaculate butterfly. The teacher was amazed at the quality of the project. She asked how he drew such a beautiful picture; the boy turned to her and said the picture just appeared in his mind. The teacher told the boy that it was one of the best pictures she had ever seen. The boy turned back to his purple butterfly and suddenly grabbed it. He spun around and thrust it at the teacher, “I want you to have it” he said. Honored the art teacher took the paper and thanked him for it; “I’ll bring this home and put it up on my wall.”
When school was out that day, the boy rode home on his school bus, and the teacher took the city bus because it was cheaper than buying gas. So when the bus arrived at the stop, the teacher got out carrying the picture of the purple butterfly, and started across the street to her house. But before she reached the other side, a speeding car blared its horn, but it was too late to stop. The teacher was hit by the car and thrown to the street. The ambulance rushed to the scene, and the teacher was brought to the hospital to attempt to save her life. Fortunately she would live, but the impact had shattered both her legs and she would never walk again.
The next day, in another school; a little girl took out her paints and began applying them to the canvas in front of her, first a swirl of red, then she took the blue and dappled the painting. An urge soon took her and she got an intense look in her eyes as she brushed the paints across the canvas. When she finished, the picture was of a butterfly with purple whorled wings and a violet body. It had dark pink splotches on its wings, as well as what appeared to be a deep mauve undertone on its antennae. The girl was so excited she took the painting, even before it had fully dried, and ran to her teacher. “Look, look at what I painted.” The teacher was so impressed that she told the girl she would buy the painting for $25. “I always like to have things my students paint around my house. It makes me feel good.” The girl, ecstatic about getting $25, agreed, and sold the painting to her teacher. When class was over the girl ran home to show the money to her mother. The teacher watched her out the window smiling, but then turned back to her desk to finish some work she had to do before going home.
When the work was finished, she gathered her briefcase and the painting and walked out the door. Because she lives so close to the school, the teacher just walked home. But on the way, another can swept down the street, and hit the teacher; the teacher died in the emergency room the next day.
The purple butterfly didn’t make another appearance for several weeks. Then one more time, it decided to try to make its memory live on once again in a child’s imagination.
A small girl took out her pastels and mixed several shades of purple. The dipping her brush in one of them she began painting. The colors at first didn’t resemble anything like a butterfly, but as she kept working, it slowly formed into a small purple butterfly just coming out of its cocoon. She worked on this painting for a few hours, and then she packed up her paints and left the painting to let it dry. A man walked up and the painting caught his eye, it was a work of genius. He glance around not seeing any one, he picked up the painting, carefully so as not to smudge the paint. Then he began walking out the front door. He made it to the street, and seeing that no one had seen him he ran across to his car. But he didn’t see the city bus coming towards him. The driver slammed on his breaks, but not soon enough to keep from hitting the man. The man was driven to the hospital immediately. While the man would live, he would be paralyzed from the waist down and on his left side for the rest of his life.


The moral of this story is… You should look both ways before you cross the street.

[Aranel]

LOL . . . in a very morbid way!

[Iure]

Hehehe... revenge of the purple butterfly!!! ;D LOL

[Erutanie]

Clever Blonde

A man was on a flight to New York from LA. He was sitting next to a blonde lady. He decided to have some fun, so he asked the blonde to play a game. The game went like this: he would ask a question, and if she didn't know the answer, she would pay him $10, and vis versa.

The blonde refused, and tried to take a nap, but the man, instead of giving up, said "I'll pay you $100 for every question I don't know, and you can only pay me $10. Okay?" The blonde finally accepted.

The man asked: "Who is the leader of Russia?" The blonde promptly handed him a $10 bill. Then she asked: "What is black and white and runs up hills backwards?" The man pondered on this for a while, then took out his laptop and preceeded to check all his references, email all his friends, and ask the question in chat rooms.

After an hour the man handed the blonde $100, then asked "What was it anyway?" The blonde handed him a $10 bill and chuckled.

[Aranel]

lol . . .